Why You Can't Have or Keep a Quality Relationship With a GOOD Man, Pt. 4

This post was written by special guest blogger, my wife, Sislena Grocer Ledbetter, Ph.D. Just a little confirmation from a woman's point of view.

Don't Let Sadie Hawkins Play You

Dr. Sis

I have a funny pastor. I mean sometimes, he doesn’t really mean to be. But, today in church, my pastor struck a chord which offered ripe material for this post. So, I changed my original thoughts and decided to share some thoughts based on today’s events. Today was Valentine’s or Love Sunday. Also, Pastor reminded us that this year is leap year; and, as the tradition goes, women can propose to men on February 29th– once every four years. So, in his typical cynical fashion, after the marriage ministry completed their Valentine’s Day tribute, Pastor asked the congregation, “How many of you want to be married?” Predictably, women’s hands began popping up like popcorn salted withechoes of giggles and squeals. I mean as if that were not enough, Pastor continued pressing, and then led an alter call for couples. But, he added, “If you want a mate (translation-man), you can come up and get prayer too.” I’m thinking, OMg!

Right about this time, my hubby catches the eye of one of his single lady friends. She is motioning and vacillating between the decision to go up or not go. Of course, my husband the funny guy waves to her as if to say, "come on girl and get your prayer on for your husband." She does. I’m thinking, seriously? I like her. And I wanted to pop the back of his neck! Don’t pimp my sister. Now, I’m not saying that praying for a husband is out of order, because it’s not. But, after raising your hand in church indicating availability, and then proceeding to the altar, a man who might have been remotely interested in you is totally turned off (petrified). I promise. It’s not even that you are all that eager. It just comes off that way. And, here is a news flash –the hint of being ready to walk down the aisle from “jump,” is just a scary thought for most men. It’s almost as bad as mentioning kids and marriage on the first date, because you want to “be real” and not “play games.” Whatever.

That’s not being real; that's a quick trip to the “practice girl” category. And it’s not even that the man isn’t ready to settle. But, if you come off too eager, he just won’t be. As in the previous posts, remember; men like to hunt. It is instinctual; there is no way around it. Don’t contemplate, just know, it’s a fact. Don’t steal a man’s thunder and yours by being such easy bait and accessible prey. And truly, you may be a perfectly solid sister with all of the right things in place. Consider this: relax, pray in private, get out of the house more (he is not coming to your door) and mingle in places where “available brothers” hang out (and that’s not always church)… Holla! The less you give up front, the more attractive you are. Let the hunt begin.

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